Friday, October 15, 2004

Movie Stars, Rednecks and the WalMart Inventory Control System

Why I am opting to write this story instead of sleeping is beyond me. Actually there are many things playing into my insomnia - but we won't discuss them all.

For those of you who know me and Christie, you will appreciate this story for those of you who don't you may find a laugh from it anyway.

Many of you may know that the Lord found favor in me and gave me an exceptionally beautiful wife. In the first few months of my most recent ministry, the number one question asked of me was not whether or not I was a believer, how I planned to reach the youth of the community, or even what my views were on Calvinism. No, the question I was forced to field most often was: "Rick, how in the world did you get that girl to marry you?"

With that in mind, our story begins on a night like any other - Christie and I found ourselves in Wal Mart. We had finished our shopping, I was at the front of the store checking out and Christie suddenly remembered she wanted to get a basket for our living room. So off she went as I waited in line.

After reaching the basket aisle by crafts, she suddenly found herself surrounded by a group of roughly a dozen Hispanic men. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, she tried to make a quick get away when one of them blocked her path and made some "Ohh-la-la" comment. Christie pushed past him and made a dash for the registers.

Feeling very uncomfortable and somewhat violated at this point she reached me and with a desperate plea said: "Rick, come on let's get out of here, I've just been accosted" or something to that effect and so we finished paying and made a run for the door.

Of course, as we passed through the white towers of WalMart security, we were greeted by the all too familiar sound of "We're sorry, you've activated the Wal Mart inventory control system, please step back and a Wal Mart associate will be with you shortly." The message that makes you look like a criminal - even though you've just spent half your paycheck in the store.

So, reluctanlty we decided to oblige the monotone voice resonating from the speaker - and stepped back to wait on a Wal Mart associate.

Nearly simultaneously to our obedience, we hear another voice - this time resonating from a 6-2 guy clad solely in camouflage - the voice was a much louder, very non-descript southern draw. Screaming over and over again, as he pointed to Christie: "Hey, there's that gurrl from joe black. Look there's a movie star. It's that gurrl from Joe Black. Hey ya'll look there's a movie star, right here in Vi-dale-ya... Look! It's that gurrl from Joe Black."

Suddenly, we realized that this guy is convinced that Christie is Claire Forlani from Meet Joe Black.

At which point, we decided obedience to the "WalMart inventory control system" - which was still telling us to step back and wait for an associate to help us - was no longer essential, so we ran out the door and to the Jeep, loaded our $124.97 worth of Wal-Mart products and went home.
posted by Rick and Christie